I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
