im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
