I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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