id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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