So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
