1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
