just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
