whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
