I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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