you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
