Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
