1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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