new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
