he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
