There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm at about main and main street
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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