a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
