I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
