It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
