Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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