Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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