Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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