I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
