my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
