I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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