she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
