No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
