in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
