i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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