So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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