spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
