He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
home. puking in laundry basket.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
