I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
