goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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