The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
