guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
