I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's never too late to be topless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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