I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
