I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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