Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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