he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
