addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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