We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
