i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
