i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
