I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
barbara walters just said penis...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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