do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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