i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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