i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
