I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
