the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
