All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
