I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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